Saturday, February 18, 2017

I read a quote the other day that said 'the dust never settles.'

This is what life is.

Beauty, Joy, Grief, Love, Loss.

August through January is all a little bit foggy - for better and worse.

Gabriella Forbes Griffin, arrived at 00:04 on 19th August 2016. 7lb 5oz of baby deliciousness. In an instant our little family was complete.

Those early days were tough. Oh so tough. Three small children and a husband who returned to work immediately.

Times when, after four hours of cluster feeding from 1am - 5am I finally settled the baby only for her to be woken at 6:15am by the 3 year old who desperately wanted her 'Mummy Time'.

Me, a complete zombie dragging myself from bed, tears streaming down my cheeks because my entire body felt as if it might shut down without warning.

My poor over tired baby screaming for comfort.

My 6 year old sitting on the couch who looks up and says in earnest "Can I hold Gabby," and whispers sweet nothings into her ear despite her protests until eventually all was quiet and still.

They will never know how they saved me in those early weeks.

The week after Gabriella was born I lost someone incredibly dear to me.

Grannykins - for you I have all the words in the world and no order to put them in. Every which way I write them never seems enough to convey just how much you meant to me. To all of us. You were our lighthouse. The warm beacon of light that guides us all back to the safe harbour of home. You are so sorely missed, and so fondly remembered.

Set against a backdrop of chaos Scott changed jobs, then we moved house, then a truly tragic thing happened to one of my dearest friends. It was a lot. All at once. And then more. And at least for a while it broke my fragile little mind.

Fog always looks so ominous from a distance. Should you find yourself in the thick of it, it's incredible what you have the potential to see if you just stop and look around. Trust me. I read a comment the other day that said, ground zero is a sacred place to be. Don't wish it away in yearning for the mountain top. There is so much this space will give you if you let it.

Perhaps this is why I find myself back here. A space full of creativity, of honesty and of stories. A space with the power to be anything...

With all of that said - I will finish on the best possible note. Dated as they may be, allow me to introduce my beautiful darling wee girl.


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